Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore to Diamond Dallas Page's dressing room wasn't open so I broke it down and kicked his ass.
Saturday
Friday
Thursday
Tuesday
Monday
Sunday
Scott Steiner's Jokebook
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Atch!
Atch who?
Gesundheit...BUT IF THAT'S HERPES, YOU DIDN'T GET IT FROM ME.
Saturday
Friday
Thursday
Wednesday
Tuesday
Monday
Sunday
Saturday
Saturday
Awesome Belts
ICW (Poffo) Tag Team Titles
Here modeled by the sexy Devil's Duo of Jeff Vines & Doug Sword (managed, of course, by Izzy Slapowitz)
Friday
Thursday
Statistic of the Day
Ranking of Countries in the World:
1 (tie): Iran
1 (tie): Russia
Haah-phtoo: USA
(Source: The Iron Sheik)
1 (tie): Iran
1 (tie): Russia
Haah-phtoo: USA
(Source: The Iron Sheik)
Wednesday
Dave Meltzer Hates...
His own opinion.
From the 4/27/09 Wrestling Observer, regarding the 4/16/09 TNA Impact show: "I don't know if it was the best go-home show or best show in company history. Definitely not the best show."
So he wasted 56 characters to basically disprove a point. That he, himself, made. We approve!
In fact, we've gotten Dave Meltzer to write a Testimonial for YCPK:
"I don't know if You Can't Powerbomb Kidman is the best wrestling-related humour site. I haven't found another option, but it's definitely not the best site. "
Thanks Dave!
From the 4/27/09 Wrestling Observer, regarding the 4/16/09 TNA Impact show: "I don't know if it was the best go-home show or best show in company history. Definitely not the best show."
So he wasted 56 characters to basically disprove a point. That he, himself, made. We approve!
In fact, we've gotten Dave Meltzer to write a Testimonial for YCPK:
"I don't know if You Can't Powerbomb Kidman is the best wrestling-related humour site. I haven't found another option, but it's definitely not the best site. "
Thanks Dave!
Tuesday
Who Ya Got?
Lo-Ki vs. Loki
Loki: Beloved pet of Mickey Rourke
Lo-Ki: Beloved by Pavlovian Internet fans
Loki: is buried in a Pet Cemetary
Lo-Ki: was buried in the TNA undercard as Senshi
Loki: Small enough to be carried in Mickey Rourke's pocket.
Lo-Ki: Small enough to be carried by a good worker.
Loki: Is a Chihauha.
Lo-Ki: Is a former member of the Rottweilers.
Lo-Ki: Beloved by Pavlovian Internet fans
Loki: is buried in a Pet Cemetary
Lo-Ki: was buried in the TNA undercard as Senshi
Loki: Small enough to be carried in Mickey Rourke's pocket.
Lo-Ki: Small enough to be carried by a good worker.
Loki: Is a Chihauha.
Lo-Ki: Is a former member of the Rottweilers.
Lo-Ki: Is bald.
Loki: Is a Chihauha. So, yeah, he's also bald. (Technically, WAS also bald.)
Loki: Has a surprisingly loud bark.
Low-Ki: Has a surprisingly deep voice.
Low-Ki: Criticized for his stiff way of working.
Loki: Is currently experiencing Rigor Morits-related sitffness.
Decision: You want either a tiny, decaying dog or Mickey Rourke's pet? Go for it!!
Loki: Has a surprisingly loud bark.
Low-Ki: Has a surprisingly deep voice.
Low-Ki: Criticized for his stiff way of working.
Loki: Is currently experiencing Rigor Morits-related sitffness.
Decision: You want either a tiny, decaying dog or Mickey Rourke's pet? Go for it!!
Monday
Sunday
Dave Meltzer Hates...
From UFC 98, Sean Sherk vs. Frankie Edgar (6/3/09 Observer) : "Sherk did better in a late exchange, but never once tried for a takedown, and he sure needed it in the second round because he had to win the second round, and he didn't. Fans sensed the upset and started chanting 'Frankie.' I was looking for a bird shitting on Mike Goldberg's notes."
Here, Dave hates:
-Grammar
-Turning multiple thoughts into multiple sentences.
-Being funny (a bird shitting on Mike Goldberg's notes? WTF??)
Here, Dave hates:
-Grammar
-Turning multiple thoughts into multiple sentences.
-Being funny (a bird shitting on Mike Goldberg's notes? WTF??)
Saturday
Ripped From the Headlines
Roxxi from TNA sent in a resume to come in to AAA.
(From the AAA section of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter--6/15/09)
An anonymous source has provided YCPK with a copy of the audiotape of the resulting Job Interview. (Actually, the Anonymous Source was a luchador whose mask we recognized who will remain incognito) (Sorry Incognito. Ur Bustd!)
Joachin Roldan: Come in, Miss...Rockzinsky?
Roxxi: Thank you. It's actually spelled "Raczynski." But, since this is an audiotape, it's pronounced like you said it.
JR: So I understand from your resume that you're interested in working for AAA. That's pronounced "Triplay Ahhh," by the way. Since this is an audiotape, you probably wouldn't have known the difference in what I said there, versus what was written, but I felt like we should be authentic.
Roxxi: Well, I really appreciate your time. Jobs in womens' wrestling are pretty exploitative, and I am a fan of the dignity AAA affords to their females.
JR: In looking at your cover letter, you say that your Objective is, and I quote, "To find a job in Triple A wrestling, possibly in a Romance Storyline involving relatives of Gran Apache or as Teddy Hart's girlfriend who shows her panties to the crowd. Ultimately, I would like to advance to a level where I'm involved with one of those Man/Woman/Transvestite/Mini matches."
Roxxi: One thing you'll learn about me, sir, is that I always aim high.
JR: That's good. 'Cause if you look up "class" in a Mexican Dictionary, you see "AAA Wrestling."
Question: Do you find it ironic that you left a Vince Russo-booked promotion, and now are begging to team with a transvestite?
Roxxi: Well, I did team with ODB in TNA. So, y'know, I'm used to it.
JR: Wait, ODB is...
Roxxi: Yep, ODB is a girl.
JR: No shit!
Roxxi: Can you say "shit" on YCPK?
JR: Fuck yeah!
Roxxi: Can you say "fuck?"
JR: Well, no. Not rea...
Konnan: OYALE!
JR: Ah, crap.
Konnan: I said "OYALE!!"
JR: /sigh
JR: What are you doing here?
Konnan: I'm the owner of AAA, and I'm here to interview Roxxi for a potential job. What are YOU doing here?
JR: Yeah, actually, I'm the owner of AAA. Antonio Pena passed away, and I took over. What we're doing with you being an owner...that's just an angle.
Konnan: Hee hee. You really believe that? In Mexico, the only things that are legally binding are pet ownership and Lucha stipulations. Everything else is pretty much a free for all...
JR: Man, I knew I never shoulda booked that match where Konnan, Electro Shock, Kenzo Suzuki, & Rellik won a "Steel Cage Elimination" Match over Latin Lover, Octagon, La Parka II, & Super Fly, thus giving you ownership of the promotion.
Konnan: Pretty much, bad on you. The owner of AAA could have been Super Fly if you weren't dumb.
JR: Or me, kinda, if I didn't book any match at all.
Konnan: Right. But I did have Antonio Pena's ashes, and you were all pissed off and...
Roxxi: So, and I hate to interrupt this cut & paste from places that aren't Luchawiki.com, but do I get the job or what?
JR: (/consults notes, since he's a lawyer and stuff) Konnan's right. I'll hang around, but it's his interview. That is--until I win ownership back at TripleMania!
Konnan: Yeah, but that's not til...
JR: June 13, 2009!! Only on (Mexican) Pay-per-view!! Shoot. I better get go...
Roxxi: Is this thing even about my resume anymore? Bill kind of requested a resume-related post.
Konnan: Fine...we'll continue the interview. (/snatches resume from Roldan)
Konnan: It says here that you've worked as both "Roxxi Laveaux" as well as "Nikki Roxx."
Roxxi: Right.
Konnan: My question is...would you be willing to shit in Juventud Guerrera's gym bag if he gets mouthy?
Roxxi: If I'm in Mexico, the water's gonna give me diarrhea anywa...
Konnan: OYALE!
Roxxi:...
Konnan: OYALE!!
JR (to Roxxi): I think the correct response is "Arriba La Raza."
Roxxi: Arriba la raza.
Konnan: Dude.
JR: Dude.
Roxxi: What now??
Konnan: "La Raza" should be capitalized there. It's disrespectful not to do that. I'm going to have to mark you down on that one. (/jots down notes)
Roxxi: How would you know that?? This was a verbal interview!
Konnan: And?
Roxxi: And your "pen" is actually Mini Charly Manson!! Mostly...how am I the straight man in this thing???
Konnan: Yeah, you sent a RESUME to AAA, looking for a job. (/giggle) Has any wrestler...ever? Sent a resume..anywhere? For a job? Y'know, except for DDP. But he's so charming, it's hard to resist.
JR: Pretty sexy, in his own way...
Roxxi: ARRGH! This is worse than those NECW shows where that one stupid tall guy used to give Sheldon Golberg "advice" like "bring Doug Williams back" and "I've heard from guys backstage that Talia is a slut."
Konnan: Whoa. Don't group us with HIM. I'm a heel, but I don't get THAT kind of heat. We should move on...Joachin?JR: Uh, Roxxi...you were trained by Steve Bradley. Do you see your career being better or worse than his?
Roxxi: Wow. That seemed to be an actual question. Thanks. I would hope to be half the worker he was...
Konnan: ...'Cause he was pretty good...
Roxxi: ...but I'd also like to have a longer career than he did.
Konnan: ...since he OD'd at the age of 33.
Roxxi: The good news is that I'm...
Konnan: I'll wait while you consult Onlineworldofwrestling.com.
Roxxi: ...30. I apparently turned 30 in April. So if I make it 4 more years, I'm good.
Konnan: Touch my belt...THAT'S ENOUGH! Does anyone even remember that bit? Fine...I'll keep your resume on file and get back to you.
JR: Or, maybe, I'LL keep your resume on file, for when I win ownership back when my team of El Hijo del Santo, La Parka, Vampiro, Octagón, and Jack Evans defeats his team of Silver King, Chessman, Kenzo Suzuki, Electroshock and Teddy Hart...Saturday, June 13, 2009, ONLY on (Mexican) Pay-per-view!
Roxxi: Is that the end of the interview? I'm really confused here.
Konnan: HOLY SHIT ARE WE SEEING THE GI JOE MOVIE?!
JR: FUCK YEAH!! STORM SHADOW IS THE POOR MAN'S OCTAGON!!!
Roxxi: I'll, uh, just see myself out...
Friday
Moves You Shouldn't Do: Bodyslam
You are: Hulk Hogan
Your Opponent: Some Fat Guy
The Setup: Hulkamania is running wild early, and you try to lift up a Superheavyweight within the first five minutes of the match.
The Result: You are not strong enough, so he falls backwards onto you for a two-count. Later on in the match (post-Hulk-up), you'll be fine. At the beginning, it's a transition, Brother!
Your Opponent: Some Fat Guy
The Setup: Hulkamania is running wild early, and you try to lift up a Superheavyweight within the first five minutes of the match.
The Result: You are not strong enough, so he falls backwards onto you for a two-count. Later on in the match (post-Hulk-up), you'll be fine. At the beginning, it's a transition, Brother!
Moves You Shouldn't Do: Throw a Killer Bee Outside
You are: You and a partner.
Your opponent: The Killer Bees.
The Setup: During a match where you're supposed to get "squashed," you get the heat and throw either Brian Blair or Jim Brunzell outside the ring.
The Result: Both Blair and Brunzell go under the apron and put on masks. They emerge simultaneously, and, despite obvious physical differences, they switch places and pin you. I mean--they were gonna win anyway, why cheat like that???
Thursday
Statistic of the Day: Paul Orndorff
From what we can tell, the number of shirts Paul Orndorff owned in the 1980s:
0
Wednesday
Tuesday
YCPK Poll: Samoa Joe
Today's YCPK Poll Question:
How would you book Samoa Joe's debut in the WWE?
a) Build his first appearance through vignettes.
b) Sudden arrival through the crowd to choke out a WWE Superstar.
c) With a shirt on.
Monday
Statistic of the Day: Rock & Wrestling
Ratio of Rock to Wrestling in an average episode of "Hulk Hogan's Rock & Wrestling":
19:1
Sunday
Ripped From the Headlines
Terry Funk's Knees Retire
"Enough is enough. He's been promising to take it easy and head off to the Doublecross Ranch since--what--1983?" fumes exasperated left joint. "Then it's 'One more run with Flair' or 'After my FMW tour' or 'This moonsault will turn the ratings for Thunder around.' It's never going to end unless we take a stand."
Knees and Funk admit that they agree on one thing: Dusty Rhodes is an "egg-sucking dog." (continued on Page 3)
Wrestling Terms as Defined by the Urban Dictionary: Stunner
STUNNER
Similar to the Shocker, but here it is all 4 fingers in the anus, with the thumb in the vagina. Otherwise known as 4 in the stink 1 in the pink.
"Steve Austin was wary when Kanyon called for the Stunner to be the finish of their match."
Saturday
Moves Ric Flair Shouldn't Do: Powerbomb Kidman
We at YCPK like to commemorate things. Like birthdays and Solar Eclipses and stuff. In keeping with that tradition, we will commemorate Wrestlemania 25 and Ric Flair's pending retirement by providing Ric Flair-related content leading up to the big day. You're excited, right? You should b...oh. Hmmm...apparently, Ric Flair retired last year. But since we already have the content ready to go...
You are: The one and only, Nature Boy Ric Flair
Your opponent: Billy Kidman
The setup: You have Kidman set up for a piledriver but realize, hey, you're Ric Flair. So you try to powerbomb him.
The result: OK, at this point, you REALLY don't get it. Like it says right at the top of the page: You. Can't. Powerbomb. Kidman. That means don't effin' try it. Even if you're Ric Flair. Heck, ESPECIALLY if you're Ric Flair. Like 98% of your moves get reversed. Hang your head in shame for even trying!
Friday
Living the Gimmick: Kevin Von Erich
Worker: Kevin Adkisson
Gimmick: Kevin Von Erich
By Definition: Oldest sibling of the Von Erich clan, a family of God-fearin', filth-hatin', Iron Claw-usin', drug-overdosin', before-their-time-dyin' Texas Folk.
Does He Live the Gimmick? No. Kevin has steadfastly refused to die young. So, ironically, he doesn't live the gimmick because he is still alive.
Thursday
Would He Eat It? Howard Finkel
Would Howard Finkel Eat: His own toupee?
Answer: Only if Vince McMahon told him to.
Moves Ric Flair Shouldn't Do: Attack a Guy While Dressed
We at YCPK like to commemorate things. Like birthdays and Solar Eclipses and stuff. In keeping with that tradition, we will commemorate Wrestlemania 25 and Ric Flair's pending retirement by providing Ric Flair-related content leading up to the big day. You're excited, right? You should b...oh. Hmmm...apparently, Ric Flair retired last year. But since we already have the content ready to go...
You are: Richard Morgan Fleihr
Your opponent: A young, fiery babyface from the 1980s.
The setup: You show up to the studios for a little interview time. You're stylin' and profilin' in your best suit (which apparently costs more than I make in a year). As some young, fiery babyface comes to the ringside area, you decide to show this punk a lesson.
The result: Well, you're pretty quickly overwhelmed by the youngness and fireyness of this young, fiery babyface. Not content to just beat on you, he proceeds to rip off your custom-made suit and leave you in boxers, black socks and shoes. How embarassing!
Wednesday
Moves You Shouldn't Do: Throw Ricky Steamboat Over the Top Rope
You are: You.
Your opponent: Ricky Steamboat.
The setup: You are in control of Ricky Steamboat and decide to throw him over the top rope. Naturally he's going to go to the floor. It's not even worth checking on. Go ahead and turn your back and play to the crowd. You've earned it!
The result: Steamboat holds on and Skins the Cat back into the ring. Since your back is turned, your'e a Prime Target for a Dropkick or a Reverse Rolling Cradle. Many a heel has fallen for this one. Don't be a statistic!
Tuesday
Moves Ric Flair Shouldn't Do: Attempt a Hiptoss off the Ropes
We at YCPK like to commemorate things. Like birthdays and Solar Eclipses and stuff. In keeping with that tradition, we will commemorate Wrestlemania 25 and Ric Flair's pending retirement by providing Ric Flair-related content leading up to the big day. You're excited, right? You should b...oh. Hmmm...apparently, Ric Flair retired last year. But since we already have the content ready to go...
You are: Ric Flair. Really? You need this explained to you at this point??
Your opponent: Pretty much anyone.
The setup: You whip the other wrestler into the ropes and set him off for a hiptoss.
The result: If it's the middle of the match, your foe turns it into an Abdominal Stretch. If it's near the end of the match, he turns it into a Backslide. If it's at Texas Stadium, he turns it into a pinfall.
Monday
Corrections/Retractions: Dory Funk, Jr.
Editor's Note: Dory Funk, Jr., did not wear facepaint and wrestle as the Ultimate Warrior in the 1980s. We regret the error.
Sunday
Moves Ric Flair Shouldn't Do: Take a Side Headlock
We at YCPK like to commemorate things. Like birthdays and Solar Eclipses and stuff. In keeping with that tradition, we will commemorate Wrestlemania 25 and Ric Flair's pending retirement by providing Ric Flair-related content leading up to the big day. You're excited, right? You should b...oh. Hmmm...apparently, Ric Flair retired last year. But since we already have the content ready to go...
You are: Ric Flair. Obviously.
Your opponent: Anyone. Literally ANYONE.
The setup: At some random point in the match, you grab your opponent and take him down with a side headlock.
The result: The other wrestler turns it into a headscissors. No big deal--you flip out and land in a pinning position with your back on his chest. But he's able to bridge up, then turn it into a backslide for a potential pin. If it's that one match against Jack Brisco, it IS the pin. Whoops. Maybe you shouldn't grab the guy's wrists as he bridges up, huh?
Saturday
Ripped From the Headlines
Bill Watts Accidentally Pushes Steve Simpson to Superdome Main Event
"I just got confused with all these PC terms." admitted the promoter. "I assumed that a South African-American would appeal to Urban Southerners."
"Which one means 'black?'" inquires Watts. (continued on pg. 5)
Friday
Thursday
Moves Ric Flair Shouldn't Do: Chops
We at YCPK like to commemorate things. Like birthdays and Solar Eclipses and stuff. In keeping with that tradition, we will commemorate Wrestlemania 25 and Ric Flair's pending retirement by providing Ric Flair-related content leading up to the big day. You're excited, right? You should b...oh. Hmmm...apparently, Ric Flair retired last year. But since we already have the content ready to go...
You are: Ric Flair. Duh.
Your opponent: Some big muscly guy.
The setup: You push your foe into the corner and chop him squarely in the chest. That'll show him.
The result: He no sells it. Your shock at this renders you defenseless to his pushing YOU into the corner. He then hiptosses you out, and follows with a move of some sort. If it's a good muscly guy like Sting, it's a dropkick. If it's a kinda sucky muscly guy like Lex Luger, it's a clothesline. If it's a guy who sucks and his finisher is a clothesline like Nikita Koloff, it's a weird back-elbow thing. In any event--reversal, hiptoss, move, and you have to powder while he pounds his chest or flexes or does whatever Nikita Koloff did (grow a flattop?).
Friday
Moves You Shouldn't Do: Receive a Ceremonial Headdress
You are: A worker with a Native American gimmick.
Your opponent: Some dastardly heel.
The Setup: As a celebration of your success, your tribe awards you its highest honor--a Ceremonial Headdress. You thank the Chief and hang the headdress on the ringpost while you work your match.
The Result: Some heel comes out and destroys it. Despite only having owned it for like 3 minutes, you are unreasonably attached to this item, and you probably cry. Nobody likes a sad Indian...
Thursday
Statistic of the Day: Boogeyman
Odds that Boogeyman will be signed by TNA and added to the Main Event Mafia before April 1:
2 to 1
Wednesday
Moves Ric Flair Shouldn't Do
You are: Ric Flair, dammit.
Your opponent: Anyone.
The Setup: You go to the top rope in order to hit...something.
The Result: You get punched in the stomach, then Bealed off of the top.
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