Scouting Report: Michael P.S. Hayes

Name: Michael P.S. Hayes

Strengths: Charisma, chest hair, proficiency at 80s Michael Jackson moves, kinda looks like Greg Allman, general mulletude.

Weaknesses: Pretty much everything else you'd want in a worker. Kinda looks like Greg Allman.

Notes: Started as a referee in Texas in 1982. His friendship with the Von Erichs got him the job, but his loyalty to them likely cost him that spot. Kerry Von Erich was WAY pissed at him for trying to help cheat his way to the NWA Title. This derailed Hayes' career as a referee and forced him into the ring as a full-time wrestler. Once that feud was over, he tried his hand at managing. Despite leading the Hardy Boyz to their first WWF Tag Team Titles, that still wasn't enough. They turned on him, laid him out, and we haven't seen him since.

Can He Powerbomb Kidman?: No.

Scouting Report: Jumbo Tsuruta

Name: Jumbo Tsuruta

Strengths: Performance in a wrestling ring

Weaknesses: Performance on an actuary table

Notes: Had more Four-Star matches in the nineties than Sid Vicious and Sputnik Monroe combined... Surprisingly, was not all that big for a wrestler named Jumbo.

Can He Powerbomb Kidman?: No.

Scouting Report: Wendell Cooley

Name: Wendell Cooley

Strengths: Fringe jackets, rugged cowboy appeal, relatively harmless

Weaknesses: Being interesting

Notes: Nicknamed "The Wildcat," Bill Watts pushed him as hard as he possibly could to try and get him over. Did not work... Name sounds suspiciously like a racial slur.

Can He Powerbomb Kidman?: Fuck No.

Scouting Report: Jim Neidhart

Name: Jim Neidhart

Strengths: Tag team wrestling, track and field events, possibly metallurgy

Weaknesses: Cheeseburgers, laughing like a normal human being, often mistaken for Tank Abbott

Notes: Improbably the least cursed member of the Hart Foundation. Not really sure how the hell that happened.

Can He Powerbomb Kidman?: No.

Scouting Report: Gronda

Name: Gronda

Strengths: Being Gronda

Weaknesses: Being Gronda

Notes: Has not been officially verified, but is quite possibly the single greatest idea for a wrestling character, ever.

Can He Powerbomb Kidman?: No.