Corrections/Retractions: Dory Funk, Jr.

Editor's Note: Dory Funk, Jr., did not wear facepaint and wrestle as the Ultimate Warrior in the 1980s. We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Ropes

Editor's Note: A standard wresting ring has three ropes, not two. Or five. We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Ropes

Editor's Note: A standard wresting ring has five ropes, not two. We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Carlito Colon and Primo Colon

Editor's Note: Carlito Colon and Primo Colon are not related to my colon. We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Clay Guida

Editor's Note: Clay Guida is not the spokesperson for Geico car insurance. We regret the error.

(2nd Editor's Note: Dear Clay Guida -- if you ever happen to read this post, please do not beat the shit out of me. It's just a joke. I respect you as a complete bad-ass who can totally kick my ass. I'm so sorry.)

(3rd Editor's Note: Dear Clay Guida -- if you are easily angered and have no sense of humor, I would like to point out that it was Tarno who wrote this post, not me. It was Tarno. Got it? Cool.)

Corrections/Retractions: Molly Holly

Editor's Note: Molly Holly does not run an underground Chinatown slaughterhouse. We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Paul London

Editor's Note: Paul London cannot outrun a helicopter. (Seriously? We don't even know what we were thinking on that one. What the fuck.) We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Heidenreich

Editor's Note: Heidenreich did not "cause Global Warming." We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Necro Butcher

Editor's Note: Necro Butcher did not plagiarize extensive sections of his doctoral thesis on Paradoxical Irrationality from the Russian Existentialist philosopher, Lev Shestov. We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Lance Cade

Editor's Note: Lance Cade did not leave a drunken message on Tom Brokaw's answering machine insisting that Radiohead's latest album was their "best work to date." We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Brazo de Plata

Editor's Note: Brazo de Plata did not hijack a rocketship to Mars in order to re-charge his super powers. We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Hiro Matsuda

Editor's Note: Hiro Matsuda did not rape and murder a pregnant gypsy in a drunken rage during his rebellious teenage years. We regret the error.

Corrections/Retractions: Greg Valentine

Editor's Note: Greg Valentine does not feast on the souls of poor Mexican children to maintain his youthful good looks and spotless complexion. We regret the error.